Understanding how others impact you and adopting a neutral stance can help you improve your quality of experience, especially when you’re unexpectedly disrupted. Neutrality, i.e., the space in between what interrupts you and your instinctual response, is a way to enhance your ability to identify what is developing within you and around you in a non-judgmental way.
In other words, you don’t label or attach any thought or emotion to what is transpiring. By doing so, you’ll be more likely to stay grounded and minimize any extreme reaction taking over, positive or negative, like overexcitement or utter annoyance.
Establishing a habit of shifting your mindset, tapping into your emotional intelligence, and taking a neutral stance requires experimentation and practice.
Take stock of what’s happening in and around you.
Asking yourself, “How am I feeling?” or “What am I sensing?” can help you evaluate your current state of being and whether you’re living in congruence with yourself. With that insight, you can determine what to do next, like taking a moment to reset before engaging with others.
Also, becoming more situationally aware and observing what’s occurring in your environment, physical space, as well as people within it, can help you assess what is working well and what is not.
Furthermore, check in with your thoughts. If you notice the word “should” appearing, you may have incorporated views that are not yours. Knowing where the “should” is coming from can help you decide whether you need to work on your beliefs and set boundaries, or discuss your non-negotiables with others.
As the Author James Clear highlighted in his book “Atomic Habits,” “Every action you take is a vote for the type of person you wish to become. No single instance will transform your beliefs, but as the votes build up, so does the evidence of your new identity.”
Understand what may be keeping you from remaining impartial.
The Enneagram teaches that when you interact with others, they notice your “Centers of Expression,” which correspond to how you think, act, and feel. You have access to all three centers, and the iEQ9 Enneagram Assessment indicates which of your centers are expressed strongly, in what order, and which may be neglected. The energy and nature of your dominant center can influence whether someone experiences you as a thinker, doer, or feeler, and can impact how you two speak and listen.
Creating balance means developing your head, heart, and body, aka thinking, feeling, and action centers, in the way your particular type needs. If you’re leaning heavily into your thoughts, get moving; if you’re always in action and doing mode, stop and be still, and if you feel deeply, find space to be alone to objectively discern between what is yours versus what may be someone else’s projection onto you.
Also, asking “What if?” type questions can help expand your thinking and open you up to more hope and possibilities.
Embrace neutrality to improve your quality of experience.
Neutrality is a mindset that enables you to accept “what is” without judgment. From this impartial and objective space, you can accept all aspects of yourself, ride out your emotional waves, and take accountability for your actions and behaviors, increasing consistency in how you show up and improving your quality of experience.
Here are seven ways to help you embrace neutrality:
#1 Concentrate on your breath.
Listening to your breath as you inhale and exhale, and reciting the words “Inhale/Exhale,” can help calm your nervous system and bring you back to the present moment. Centering in your body enables you to focus on what’s in your control rather than on future-scenario planning. If you’re still feeling overwhelmed or irritated, vent on a page and hit delete, or write down what you need to do on a sticky note to clear your head and remove the pressure.
#2 Assess your state of mind.
When you’re grounded, you’re able to think through topics in a rational, open-minded, and objective way. When you are feeling “stuck,” expectations are most likely getting in the way. Expectations are strong beliefs that shape your reality regarding what you prefer and want from others, such as having them be or act a specific way toward you. They show up as “shoulds, musts, and other absolutes,” clouding your perspective, how you feel, and how you talk to yourself.
#3 Attend to your body.
Notice the sensations. Get up, change positions, and move to relax and free any tension. A great acronym to remember in this situation is HALT—hunger, anger, loneliness, tiredness—to detect how your system is doing. If you witness any of these, take a break. Get something to eat, vent, or reach out to a trusted friend. If you’re tired and can’t rest, do an activity that helps you rejuvenate.
#4 Check in with your heart.
Tune into your feelings and reconnect with what you need. Acknowledge and honor whatever arises. Consider the meaning behind them and have compassion for yourself and for any insights you gain. Give yourself the care and attention as you would someone else. If you’re still unable to process your emotions, talk them through with someone you trust.
#5 Visualize what’s peaceful for you.
There’s a sacred Japanese symbol—the “enso”—which is an imperfect circle drawn with an opening in a single brushstroke. It signifies many things, such as strength, interconnectedness, and emptiness, i.e., the space in-between. Concentrate on a visual that settles your system and brings you joy or harmony, like a photo, a memory, or a nature scene.
#6 Clear the clutter.
Investing in self-care is essential for your well-being and ability to connect with others successfully. Sometimes, just switching things up and clearing the clutter—physically and mentally—can help your mind from ruminating and your body from going and going. Additionally, these 3S’s can support you: (1) “Solitude” can help you connect and nurture yourself; (2) “Silence” can help you minimize repetitive thoughts so you can listen and gain clarity; and (3) “Stillness” can provide you with space to reduce acting on impulses so you can discern what is truly best in the moment.
#7 Find purpose in the learning.
Creating change in your system is a process. Some days will be great and others not so great, and that is okay. You just need to be aware of what’s holding you back and be willing to say farewell to things like holding on too tightly to who, what, when, where, and how everything must happen, as these constraints can make progress much harder to attain. Instead, digest the meaningful a-ha’s and learnings, and then reframe your attention to quickly bounce back to what is possible and continue optimistically.
Focus your energy on what you want to create and experience.
With deliberate intention, you can catch yourself before reacting and embrace neutrality to safeguard your space. Aim for progress, not perfection, and remember personal wellness and feeling at ease are not just “nice to have.” It’s about discovering and implementing a structure that works for you. Start small and seek support if you’re uncertain how to proceed, as every person and situation is unique. And most importantly, treat yourself as patiently and kindly as you would a loved one or friend.
Activate your best with those around you.
Self-leadership is about getting to know yourself better and applying that knowledge to how you interact with others. As a lifelong student, certified professional coach, and consultant, activating the best in others through self-leadership, interpersonal relations, and team dynamics are passions of mine. My approach is personalized and customized, tapping into various assessments, disciplines, modalities, and techniques. Contact me to get started.