There is plenty of discussion in the public domain about the importance of external connections. Equally important but referenced less is the relationship you have with yourself, which directly impacts how you show up and relate to others.
To assess the quality of your personal rapport, compare what you would say to yourself versus a friend who is having a bad day or needs to make a difficult decision, and answer: “Would I treat myself equally, better, or worse?” and “Would I follow my gut or waiver?”
Understanding who receives kindness and the focus of energy can help you determine the quality of your experience with yourself and those around you.
Enhance your intrapersonal communication through self-reflection and skills development.
You can transform your internal monologue into an internal dialogue by actively acknowledging your mind, body, and heart, connecting more deeply to the various parts to discern what you need to provide yourself, rather than seeking approval or validation from something or someone else.
It’s through intentional practice that you can begin to know when to turn inward and listen to your internal guidance system with positive intention. Through self-reflection, you can gain knowledge that helps you navigate challenges and communicate more effectively in your partnerships.
Furthermore, developing your emotional intelligence (EQ) is critical for self-leadership, interpersonal relationships, performance, and growth. For example, the EQ-i 2.0® assessment’s self-perception composite area can help you recognize how much you do or don’t respect yourself and how to differentiate your emotions, while providing insight into your strengths, weaknesses, and willingness to learn.
Sometimes what you give to someone else is what you crave for yourself.
What often gets hidden or masked from yourself and others are your conscious and unconscious core needs and standards, which influence how you think, feel, and act to adapt and stay safe. How you react when your expectations are unmet is primarily impacted by your instinctual patterns and beliefs about what’s acceptable regarding emotions, behavior, and social norms.
The more clarity you have about your priorities and what you need and want, the easier it becomes to access the hidden parts of yourself and refrain from covering up or sending mixed messages, so you can be more open and purposeful in your conversations and cultivate trust.
Understanding relationship dynamics while remaining independent and true to yourself is a lifelong process.
Here are some ways you can tap into the power of inner connection to think more clearly and get in tune with your physical being and emotions.
#1 Embrace neutrality.
Neutrality is a mindset that enables you to acknowledge “what is” without judgment. From this impartial and objective stance, you can ride out your emotional waves and take accountability for your actions and behaviors, increasing consistency in how you show up and improving your quality of experience. Moreover, you can catch yourself before reacting and intentionally pause, enabling space to figure out the next steps. Aim for progress, not perfection. It’s about discovering and implementing a structure that works for you. Start small and seek support if you’re uncertain how to proceed, as every person and situation is unique. And remember, personal wellness and a sense of ease are not just “nice to have.”
#2 Feel your emotions.
Acknowledging and honoring whatever emotions are arising for you will help release physical tension, reduce mental agitation, and ground yourself in what you require. Consider the meaning behind what is present and discern whether it’s objectively true in the current scenario or if something from your past has triggered you. Give yourself the care and attention you would give to someone else. If you’re still unable to process your emotions, talk them through with someone you trust to obtain a fresh perspective that empowers you to generate ideas from various angles and expand your hope toward future possibilities.
#3 Take stock of what’s happening in and around you.
If you have ever thought or said, “I just don’t feel like myself,” your inner state was most likely out of alignment, potentially impacting how you view yourself and influencing your ability to make effective decisions. To create balance, slowing down, pausing, or stopping can help you determine what’s occurring so you can realign and pivot. Hearing what your body needs—physically and emotionally—can improve how you perceive yourself and minimize negative self-talk and ruminating chatter. Also, taking a break and resting when you feel drained will provide you time to reset before engaging in behaviors or with people that further perpetuate the issues. Also, being more situationally aware and observing what’s happening in your environment, as well as the people in it, can help you assess what is working well and what is not.
#4 Reclaim your authority.
When you’re feeling stuck or boxed in, remember you still have a choice about your mindset and the actions you take. Although you have no control over someone else’s beliefs or behaviors, you do not need to be impacted, swayed, or succumb to their way of being. Instead, you can create distance between you and them and take back your power. Resilience implies that you can adapt and work through challenges, where the experiences propel you forward. The more self-aware and grounded you become in who you are, the more it instills confidence, enabling you to be firm and set realistic boundaries while remaining flexible in your interactions.
#5 Establish routines that support you.
Legendary Philosopher Lao Tzu shared, “To attain knowledge, add things every day. To attain wisdom, remove things every day.” This quote is a reminder that you can evaluate what you put on your to-do list and what you expect from yourself and others. Just because you think about it doesn’t mean you need to act on it, so maximize your efforts by removing what’s not necessary. Also, if you find yourself saying, “I should, or I must…,” check whether this is something you can and want to do, or whether it’s someone else’s expectation or social pressure. When you go deep within, you can tap into your internal wisdom, reprioritize where you want to invest your efforts, and create simple steps for profound change. As the Author James Clear highlighted in his book “Atomic Habits,” “Every action you take is a vote for the type of person you wish to become.”
To attain the reality you seek, you must experience and embody it.
By becoming aware of and releasing what no longer serves you, you can invite new behaviors and characteristics that support who you want to be. Understanding your Enneagram profile, which influences your communication patterns, can provide you with strategies to create balance and eliminate conditioned behaviors that are negatively impacting you, while empowering you to tap into your highest expression.
Activate your best with those around you.
Self-leadership is about getting to know yourself better and applying that knowledge to how you interact with others. As a lifelong student, certified professional coach, and consultant, activating the best in others through self-leadership, interpersonal relations, and team dynamics are passions of mine. My approach is personalized and customized, tapping into various assessments, disciplines, modalities, and techniques. Contact me to get started.