Your mindset is a collection of values, perceptions, beliefs, attitudes, and assumptions that affect how you think, act, and feel. Various outlooks exist with opposing extremes, like a fixed versus growth mindset, a positive versus negative mindset, and an abundance versus scarcity mindset.
Habitual behaviors also exist on a continuum. For instance, the opposite of people-pleasing is controlling. Regardless of your primary mode and where you are on the scale, you can enhance your skill set and rebalance your approach. This may involve learning to assert your needs or practicing compromise.
Identify the beliefs and behaviors holding you back.
The words you think internally and use externally influence what you see and experience. Your conscious and unconscious filters—“cognitive distortions”—can generalize, block out, delete, and twist information.
Some patterns include “All or nothing thinking,” where you perceive situations as “right or wrong” or oversimplification when using words “always or never,” with nothing in between. For example, “If it’s not done the most efficient way, it’s a waste of time,” or “I’ll never be the one chosen for X.”
Also, distortions affect your self-worth and confidence, causing uncertainty, doubt, or anxiety, like ruminating about one negative aspect that affects your attitude and how you show up. The more self-aware you become, the more you can pinpoint when distortions take control and work to loosen their grip.
Improve how you perceive and talk to yourself.
Emotional intelligence (EQ) skills are critical for self-leadership, interpersonal relationships, performance, and growth. Specifically, the EQ-i 2.0® assessment’s self-perception composite area can help you recognize how much you do or don’t respect yourself and how to differentiate your emotions. Also, it provides insight into your strengths, weaknesses, and willingness to learn.
Your “self-talk” may include conflicting opinions, emotions, or sensations that impact how you view yourself and influence your capacity to make effective decisions. Turning inward and listening with positive intention goes a long way in developing trust and connection with yourself, especially when you want to feel grounded and aligned.
Cultivate new habits with practice and purpose.
According to yogic philosophy, it takes 40 days to adopt a new habit, and fully integrating a new routine can take up to 1,000 days, so remaining persistent and resilient is crucial.
To guide you, here are some tools and techniques to help you stay dedicated:
Embody patience, self-discipline, and compassion.
Adopting new skills and behaviors is challenging and can be even more so if your environment and those around you distract you. Also, there is a tendency to flip-flop between polarities when working with competencies that are less familiar. But don’t give up. Because the more you practice and know what feels right, the sooner you’ll land on an optimal level that works for you. Regardless of your goal, starting is complicated and “messy in the middle.” These are just a few fundamental truths. So ease into your ambitions with courage, compassion, and fortitude to bounce back when you fall off track. Don’t beat yourself up or get angry if you miss a day in your new routine. Examine what made that happen, accept it, and begin again. Taking the time to learn from mistakes makes you stronger and more committed to reaching your target.
Transform your outlook.
Shifting your mindset necessitates catching yourself in the behavior you want to change. For example, when you notice yourself getting worked up about something, stop what you’re doing, breathe, and recalibrate to calm your nervous system. Then, objectively evaluate what is happening and recommit your energy to your priorities rather than allowing something outside your control to derail you. If you’re contemplating why you can’t do this, alter your view and ask yourself: “What if this is possible?” or better yet, affirm, “Yes, I will,” and just take one step in that direction.
Clear out the clutter—physically and mentally.
One of my favorite quotes is from Goethe, “Things that matter most must never be at the mercy of things that matter least.” It is so easy to get pulled away from your wants and needs. A great tool to navigate this conundrum is the “stop, start, continue” exercise, where you evaluate automatic behaviors and your to-do list, outline what you need to “stop” and “start” doing, and highlight activities that you still would like to continue. The next step after this is organizing how you’ll manage your time.
Create an action plan.
As Tony Robbins says, “Energy flows where your attention goes.” So, concentrate on what you want to achieve and set intentional, realistic, time-bound goals. Documenting your strategic approach with actions will help you stay committed to YOU and your mission. Determining your current and desired state and pinpointing steps to close the gap makes it easier to focus, track progress, and celebrate milestones. If you’re thinking, “I just don’t have time to do this,” it may be necessary to set some boundaries so you can.
Embrace self-care techniques to manage stress.
Early on, your brain collects cues on who you should and need to be to survive, fit in, and belong. This perception conditions how you think and approach the world and react when you are afraid, overwhelmed, or stressed. Equalizing your system entails nurturing your mind, heart, and body so they each have what they require to function at their optimal level. Addressing your limiting beliefs can help you decondition behavioral patterns that no longer serve you, minimize stress, and activate your highest expression.
Who you surround yourself with matters.
Change can be less daunting—albeit even fun—when someone holds you accountable, is honest, and is rooting for your success. So don’t go it alone. Instead, grab a friend or trusted colleague to learn, support, and inspire each other. If you’re unsure where to begin, check out my “Micro & Mini Service Offerings.” Sign up solo or with another person or group to work on a specific exercise or activity and split the costs!
Now is the time to activate your best.
As a lifelong student, certified professional coach, and consultant, activating the best in others through self-leadership, interpersonal relations, and team dynamics are passions of mine. My approach is personalized and customized, tapping into various assessments, disciplines, modalities, and techniques.