We all have times when our messages land as intended and times when they do not.

It can be pretty disheartening and disruptive when what we say causes friction rather than connection in our relationships. We may not even be aware of the reason.

Our approach—or lack of one—can send the discussion awry. Our mood, vibe, tone, or use of words may trigger a visceral reaction or shut down for the other person.

Aligning internally before reaching out externally.

A more effective and purposeful way to communicate begins with checking in with your state of mind and assessing your feelings about the topic at hand.

Prioritizing what’s most important overall, i.e., the relationship or outcome, can help you choose how best to initiate the dialogue in a meaningful way that will resonate with all those involved. If needed, you can process any negative thoughts, unstable energy, or anxiety that could accidentally be projected when conversing.

When you set a positive intention, rather than focusing on being right or validated, you’ll be more careful about what you say and more receptive to what is top of mind for others.

There are many aspects to your personality.

The depth of your personality is vast, from your character’s physical traits to mental, emotional, social, and behavioral features. Strengths can turn into blind spots and weaknesses when over-or-under-used, and behaviors that have made you successful can be counter-effective depending on the circumstance.

Identifying which part of you feels the way it does enables you to address hidden aspects that may need attention before interacting with others. Then you can be more detached from the situation and deliver your message more honestly, directly, and compassionately. For example, “A part of me feels that…” or “A part of me has recognized that when you do X, I feel…” instead of judging or passing fault.

Cultivate a healthier way of being.

To balance out your natural tendencies and be more mindful in your communication, aim to:

Shift your mindset.

Tap into your five senses and focus on your breath to stay present. Sit with what you know, listen to your gut, and organize your messages with more clarity and perspective to create buy-in. To shake off any “impostor syndrome,” work through your limiting beliefs and triggers, and embrace your leadership potential by boosting your emotional intelligence skills.

Tame your primordial instincts.

Self-regulation is about managing your emotions, behaviors, and responses. Understanding and accepting what your body needs and tending to it are equally important. Often there can be a disparity between what you physically need and what you think you need. Touch base with your instinctual centers, i.e., your body (action center), heart (feeling center), and head (thinking center), to strengthen your resiliency and find peace within yourself.

Reduce interacting on autopilot.

Enter into conversations with an open and clear mind, meeting people where they are in the process. Don’t start conversations when you’re in the middle of doing something else. Be present, attentive, and ready to interact and focus on listening rather than interpreting. Demonstrating appreciation for another person and what they may have to say can inspire shared discoveries and strengthen relationships. Here are additional practices to enhance your communication style.

Get real and accept what-is.

For many reasons, we may not always be 100% authentic or transparent in our communication. What you say—and don’t say—makes a difference. Your words, actions, and behaviors convey what’s important to you. By remaining objective and assessing your motivation, i.e., are you pushing to win or too attached to your idea, you can express yourself more calmly and profoundly, fostering trust in your relationships and collaborations.

Courage and confidence come from within YOU.

Our thoughts, feelings, and actions are all interconnected. As a lifelong student, certified coach, and consultant, activating the best in others through self-leadership, interpersonal relations, and team dynamics are passions of mine. My approach is personalized and customized, tapping into various assessments, disciplines, modalities, and techniques. To learn more, schedule a call with me.

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